After much employee persuasion we decided to have Bring Your Dog to Work Thursdays. All sorts of cool, Valley start ups have “perks” like this and while we’re neither cool nor in the Valley we figured we could improve employee satisfaction a bit by letting our people bring in their beloved pooches one day a week.

So now that’s been canceled. Here’s a diary of how Bring Your Dog to Work Day turned into Dog Day Afternoon:

8am The first few people arrive at the office with their dogs. Apart from a few back-and-forth snarls and a lot of butt sniffing (between the dogs), things are going well. The first few dogs seem to acclimate quickly to the office environment. Some go to sleep at their owners’ feet almost immediately.  We’re feeling good about things.

8:30am Lisa in accounting shows up with her very feisty German Shepherd puppy named Jake who gets the attention of several of the formerly sleeping dogs. A shiatsu puppy comes over to introduce himself and soon the office is filled with the sounds of dogs fighting. Not playful let’s-learn-how-to-be-big-dogs fighting, but real canine on canine action. Lisa and Jake eventually end up retreating to the lobby where she decides to simply take him back home. The shiatsu stays but continues barking at the office door, apparently expecting Jake to come back for more.

9:15am We have about eight dogs total in the office now. Some of them pace their owners cubes, nose through garbage cans, scratch and lick themselves, but otherwise remain peaceful. A few others bark randomly at other passing staff or wander around the office. A golden retriever finds her way into the break room and gets her head caught in the vending machine return chute.

11:00am A dog has relieved him/herself in the copier room. No one will accept responsibility.

11:45am The pizza delivery guy is attacked by two dogs in the waiting area and chased down the hall. To prevent being cornered in the elevator he throws the his pizza carrier into the lobby as the doors close behind him. Soon pizza is everywhere.

1:30pm Three more dogfights and two unsanitary incidents later we send everyone with a dog home. The office is a mess and little work has been done. We decide that this will be the one and only Bring Your Dog to Work Thursday.