Posted on | January 9, 2017 | Comments Off on The 80’s Are Back! Crap!
“President Donald Trump” sounds like it came out of a random generator on Generatorland. Maybe the “Most Unlikely U.S. President Generator.” Lena Horne and The Shamwow Guy could have been options as well.
We are about to return to a new version of the 80’s. It’s like a mass Quantum Leap! Anyway, I think now is a good time to start planning an 80’s-themed business. For instance, you could open a store that sells parachute pants and neon-colored jackets or you could deal cocaine. I also seem to remember a lot of glass block.
Biff Tannen, er, Donald Trump never wanted the 80’s to end, so let’s all reacquaint ourselves with some of the best things that came out of the 80’s:
- Things Every 80’s Kids Will Recognize Immediately From Their Childhoods
- 38 Things That Will Take ’80s Kids Back To Their Elementary School Days
- 8 Great Things From the ‘80s That I’m Keeping Alive for My Kids
Now put up your collar and up that do!
Posted on | December 20, 2016 | Comments Off on Bad Gifts Suck. We Can Help
Bad gifts shouldn’t ruin an otherwise stressful Christmas.
Christmas is a time of love and frantic scrambling through department stores like our oxygen tanks are about to expire.
That’s because we think gift cards are bad gifts and a cop-out (even if that’s what people actually want) and we still cling to a bizarre notion that we know what’s best for someone else.
But at Generatorland our motto (as of this sentence) is “We’re here to help!” So we have not one but TWO generators to help you generate gift ideas:
Helpful Generators for Avoiding Bad Gifts
Just looking for some help brainstorming that perfect, relevant and non-sucky gift? Use this tool to generate ideas and concepts that might be suitable.
Want to just cycle through a crap-ton of actual items to find the right one? This tool has got you covered.
Less Helpful Holiday Generators:
Misfit Toy Generator
Remember The Island of Misfit Toys from the Rudolph TV movies? Well, now you can make up your own! I know right?
Elf Name Generator
Channel your inner bad elf. Your toys don’t look quite right, you give off an odd, musky scent. You just need a name.
Posted on | November 22, 2014 | Comments Off on Rock Your Food with the Guy Fieri Restaurant Menu Generator
It’s hard to hate Guy Fieri. He’s a loveable ham with no pretense, no off switch and no shortage of hair bleach. We celebrate Guy’s undignified life with The Guy Fiery Menu Generator:
Posted on | October 15, 2014 | Comments Off on Turn the Magazine Around
I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store this morning being bored and glancing around when my eyes fell on the magazines. At least that’s what they like to be called. I think that’s an insult to actual magazines personally, but whatever.
The one “magazine” that caught my eye was, wait, I’m not going to name it because I don’t want you to go look it up. The “magazine” featured Amanda Bynes on the cover and had some kind of overwrought, drama-filled and condescending headline about her having a mental breakdown. Beneath the headline was a close-up of her face, which has become unrecognizable as Amanda Bynes as I remember her.
I’ve been vaguely aware of her situation over the last few years. I’ve never been a fan of her work necessarily, I’m not even sure I remember what she was in. However, a celebrity’s work is rarely a prerequisite for media attention. In fact I suspect steady work makes celebrities less interesting for the media. Less time to get in trouble I guess. However, I knew a little more about Amanda because I’d recently read an excellent post when a friend mentioned it on Facebook. The post discusses the tragedies of mental illness and how it relates to Amanda Bynes. I won’t go into the details but you should go read it.
I was looking at this magazine and thinking that I just don’t want to see this stuff anymore. More importantly, I wish none of us had to see it anymore. We’re weak and we’re often bored. If a publisher throws a bunch of inflammatory headlines in front of us we’re probably going to look. If a hacker exposes a bunch of private photos, we’re probably going to look. It’s just our nature.
So, standing there, I decided to do something simple and probably a bit naive. I turned the magazine around. At first I thought nothing of it. I didn’t want to look at it and now I didn’t have to. However, once I moved forward in line I looked back and a woman was standing in my old spot looking toward the magazines. The magazine with Amanda Bynes on the cover was still turned around. The woman behind me was looking elsewhere. As I walked away from the register I took one more look back and the magazine was still as I’d left it.
One less person had to have their attention drawn to a sensationalized version of someone else’s tragic life designed to sell “magazines.”
That made me feel good. I can’t wait to do it again.
Posted on | August 5, 2014 | Comments Off on Fantasy Team Name Needed?
It’s that time of year again! Time to research, draft and drink a few frothy ones as you try to explain to your fellow fantasy team owners how you didn’t completely screw up another fantasy football draft.
One thing we can help you not screw up is your fantasy team’s name. We make it easy with our patent-pending, ultra-simple, one-button Fantasy Team Name Generator.
Just click and pick. Then try to explain taking a kicker in the sixth round.
Posted on | April 29, 2014 | Comments Off on Five Things You Young People Need to Understand
I’m not really that old. I’m 45. But every now and again I feel like a cranky old man. Usually it’s after I observe a teen or twenty-something kid who thinks they have it all figured out. This is what goes through my head in those instances.
#1 No one owes you anything.
I can’t emphasize that enough. No one owes you a job, promotion, a loan, a price break, entry into a club, you name it. No one owes it to you. The sooner you realize that you are not entitled to anything “just because” the better. Now get over yourself, work hard, treat people with respect and, maybe, you will earn something good. Sure, some people will have things handed to them. Who cares? It happens. That doesn’t mean it should have happened to them or that it should happen to you.
#2 You don’t know as much as you think you know.
Neither do I. In fact, no one knows as much as they think they know. We all get up every day and learn. You might be smart. Maybe even really smart. But the guy who sells you your coffee in the morning could probably teach you something. So could the homeless woman you pass every morning. A million things happen to people in their lifetimes and there’s a good chance most haven’t happened to you yet. But you can experience them through others before they do happen to you. Ask questions. Listen to the answers.
#3 It’s never to late to plan for the future.
Eventually you’re going to be old. Being old is a lot easier if you plan for it. It’s not depressing or tragic, it’s reality. You can live in a land of make believe and fail to put money away for it or you can plan to have a pleasant and perhaps actually enjoyable time growing older. Sign up for that 401k even if you’re not sure what it is. Future you won’t think past you was a total idiot.
#4 Having stuff gets old.
Speaking of getting old, collecting crap and worrying you don’t have the latest whatever is a losing game. In the end you have a bunch of crap that you have to put in storage or throw away. Travel, spend time with your family and friends, help someone who could never help you back. If you think eternal happiness lies in a new 60 in. flat-screen TV that will be obsolete a year from now you may need to read #3 again.
#5 You can’t do anything you want.
I know, we’re taught that we can do anything, be anything, etc. It’s just not true. I was never going to be able to dunk a basketball or win a Nobel Prize in physics. I don’t have the physical tools for the first one or the intelligence for the second one. Wanting to do either one wasn’t going to change that. And that’s fine. There are a billion other things I can do. Some with really hard work, some naturally. Pick those things. Be incredible at them. Some people will dunk a basketball and some will win a Nobel Prize in Physics. But probably no one will do both.
Posted on | March 12, 2014 | Comments Off on Where are the BitCoin Alternatives?
If BitCoin is both popular and on shaky ground you’d expect a slew of alternative “cryptocurrencies” to start appearing. That hasn’t been the case but it’s likely inevitable. When the time comes, we’ll be here to help with our new BitCoin Alternative Name Generator.
Posted on | February 1, 2014 | Comments Off on 5 Things That Your Online Forms Should Never Do
Hey Web site owner! I’m here to complete a form on your site because I want something you’re selling! Isn’t that great? Let me just get through this form and then you can have my money. Here we go…
Why Did You “Forget” What I Just Typed?
I finally get to the end of your form and hit “Submit” when I’m presented with a new page containing some very angry red text that scolds me about not entering a valid phone number. I feel mildly attacked, but it’s cool, I’ll go fix it. I click the “Re-enter my information” link and, well, what do you know, the form is blank. Awesome, let me fill all that back in and hope I get it right this time!
Why Did You Allow Me to Type the Wrong Thing?
Just had a thought as I was re-entering all my data. How about when I type the wrong thing in one of your fields, you go ahead and tell me before I get to the next field? Don’t want dashes in the phone number field? No problem, but that’s good information to have before I tab over to the next field.
Which brings up another point…
Why Are You Making Me Tab Out of Order?
When I hit the “Tab” button, and I might be crazy for expecting this, but I believe the cursor should move to the next field in the series. I couldn’t help noticing that when I hit tab it feels a bit like playing Whack-a-Mole since I never know which field I’m going to end up in next. I like surprises like anyone else, but, no, let me correct that. I DON’T LIKE SUPRISES!
Why Are You Using an Indecipherable CAPTCHA?
One last thing. Your CAPTCHA sucks. I’ve refreshed it three or for times now and it still looks like a Rorschach test. Could be a butterfly, could be the word “BlAtZ.” How about you choose a different CAPTCHA provider that actually provides human-readable text. Or maybe something cool and not sucky?
Why Did You Forget Who I Am?
OK, I somehow made it through your form, no small task. It just occurred to me that I want something else, so let me go order it. Hey, why are you asking me to sign in? We’ve just spent boatloads of quality time together and I told you all my personal information yet somehow I’m suddenly a stranger? Alright, tell you what, I’m going to just head over to Amazon. The prices are better anyway.
Posted on | January 21, 2014 | Comments Off on Aqua Notes Are Truly Awesome
A while back I was on a mission. I was sick of having good ideas in the shower and then forgetting them by the time I was able to get to a pen and paper or PC. It got to the point where I was consciously trying NOT to think in the shower so I wouldn’t end up annoyed.
My first thought was to use a grease pencil on the shower walls but while it would easily go on the shower walls, it wouldn’t easily come off. Messy.
Then I tried a child’s toy like these but another brand that I can’t find anymore probably because they sucked.
Then I considered these waterproof note pads which are cool but I wasn’t sure where I’d keep them in the shower. There isn’t a whole lot of shelf space.
I was about to give up when I finally found the answer — AquaNotes. I’ve been using them for a few years now and I have to say they’ve changed my life. It turns out that many of the ideas I have in the shower are actually pretty good. In addition for some reason I always think of grocery items in the shower and now I keep a running list in there.
I plan my work day on AquaNotes, I plan my weekend tasks as well. Some of my best Generator Land ideas have come in the shower, proof of which is scattered around my home office.
Even if you don’t normally come up with ideas in the shower I have a feeling that once you’re staring at that blank pad and pencil they’ll start to flow. Trust me.
Posted on | January 5, 2014 | Comments Off on 11 Business Cliches That Must Die a Horrible Death Now
Nonsensical and annoying verbiage seeps into a business like water through a basement crack and blooms into colorful and pungent mold quicker than you can spray it with the bleach of sanity (consider that metaphor tortured!).
As junior execs and managers vainly attempt to become accepted by senior execs and C-levels, they adopt the same meaningless language and soon the clerks in the mail room are putting their heads together about shifting data-driven paradigms and showing real ROI.
These are the most recent and irritating cliches I’ve heard bouncing around boardrooms lately.
“Ask” as a noun.
I think people started using this to make it sound less like they’re asking you to do something or they have a problem you can help them solve. “I have a quick ask!” sounds a lot more in control and powerful than “I need your help.” There’s this “ask” that they have. It’s something they have but would like to give you. Because they’re awesome and give people things. And why wouldn’t you want one? It’s not like work. It’s an “ask.” Enjoy!
Instead of saying “good stuff” a person being honest would say “I have nothing else to say at this time.” I hear it often at the end of a conversation between an exec and a junior exec.
Mr. Brooks: “How’s it going, there sport?”
Sport: “Great Mr. Brooks! I just finished reviewing the Fleener account and found some really interesting data that I…”
Mr. Brooks: “Good stuff.”
“Drinking the Kool-Aid”
You would think business people would have enough tact to avoid connecting some innocuous comment about people agreeing with something to a horrible mass suicide, but you would be wrong. I’ve heard “drinking the Kool-Aid” in reference to everything from customers liking a product to self-referential comments like “I disagreed before, but I’m drinking the Kool-Aid now.” If only.
Note: “drinking the Kool-Aid” is a cousin to the less horrific, but suitably disgusting “eating our own dog food.”
The actual meaning of bleeding edge is “extremely advanced technology with no current practical application, beyond the cutting edge of technology.” I keep that in mind when someone refers to their new phone or hybrid as “bleeding edge.” And I tell them that I feel bad they bought something that doesn’t actually do anything. Not to mention the fact that 99% of what people refer to as “bleeding edge” isn’t even close. 3D printers are awesome and THEY’RE not even bleeding edge.
Take it Offline
I like the idea that people suggest “taking this topic offline” while they’re actually talking in a meeting in which they are sitting next to each other. Apparently I have no idea what being online means anymore. In many cases those very two people who were just talking in meatspace go back to their desks and EMAIL EACH OTHER ABOUT THE TOPIC. But…you just…what? (drools, passes out and has aneurysm)
Mr. Brooks: OK, let’s get started, but I have a hard stop at 11.
Mr. Brothers: But it’s 10:47 right now because you showed up 47 minutes late.
Mr. Brooks: Yeah, I know. But I have a hard stop.
Mr. Brothers: We all have things to do when this meeting is over.
Mr. Brooks: Right, but this stop is particularly hard.
Mr. Brothers: Well go on then, it’s 11 now.
Mr. Brooks: Good stuff.
Let’s Go Back and Sharpen Our Pencils
When someone asks you to go back and “sharpen your pencil,” you probably do the same thing I do. You look at the numbers you spent several hours putting together, run a few reports again, get the same results, bring the numbers back again unchanged (because they’re accurate) and then change them to whatever you’re asked to change them to.
“It’s Gone Viral”
Not it hasn’t. Unless you and the rest of the world have vastly different opinions about what “gone viral” means.
Unlike most people who provide products and services, your product or service offers gobs of value. Your competitors actually suck value out of their customers’ faces like some kind of space leech. Your product or service keeps heaping value on your customers even when they’ve had enough. They end up lying there, smothered in piles of steaming value, gasping for breath.
Whenever someone tells me someone else is a “rock star” I ask if they mean they’re good at what they do or they trash hotel rooms and wake up covered in cocaine and hookers. Usually they say they mean the former.
A stretch goal, for anyone who’s never had one, is another way of your boss saying “We need to hit X to be successful but you should try to hit Y because I don’t trust you to try hard enough to hit X otherwise.” Or “August 2nd is our stretch date because it’s sooner than August 12th and sooner is always better except for wine and your bonus.”
keep looking »